Whip or carrot?

On a scale from 1 to 10, how self-disciplined are you? How good are you at motivating yourself? Only doing the fun stuff? Procrastinating the not-so-fun-stuff until you’re under so much pressure that you absolutely have to do it? Don’t worry, you’re not alone and what’s more important – it’s not your fault.

I remember when I was a kid I would play with a piece of paper or a key ring for hours. Or I would explore the sounds of a piano or a guitar, delighting in every new shade and texture I discovered. Can you remember going on these learning adventures all by yourself? Did anybody force you to do these things? Did you have trouble focusing? No? That’s because you weren’t broken yet. That’s right, broken.  You were still an independent creature, self-directed, happy to be alone. But x years of schooling and mass advertising ensured that you are now very much dependent on other people. For almost everything. Unless you are one of those lucky ones who managed to stay their unpredictable selves despite society’s untiring efforts to turn you into a mini clone whose wants and desires are comfortably predictable. I know I sound like one of those “the good old days” people (“Technology is the downfall of our civilization!”), but think about it: What do you want in life? A good job, right? Recognition from other people? Success, money? And what do you want to do with the money? Buy a nice car? Clothes? A house? And you also want to be good-looking, skinny, popular, don’t you? After all that’s what high school was all about! Now how many of these things were on your mind when you examined dirt or a stranded earthworm as a child? Exactly.

Now some of you might say: “Well, that doesn’t mean anything, it’s normal that your priorities shift over time, you can’t be examining earthworms all your life!” Why not? Some biologists do! And I bet you that they have more fun than all those people that study accounting or get a sales job just because it pays well (yes, there will be the odd exception, but that’s beside the point)!

I used to be a very good student, what bothered me, though, was that most of the time I had no idea why I learned what I learned. Because somebody else had decided that I should study linear equations or the citric acid cycle (baaaad memories!). My salvation from utter boredom and frustration was this: I had discovered at an early age (and my parents’ encouragement as well as constant assurances that I could master anything I set my mind to helped a lot!) that I enjoyed being good at things, content-free, meaning – no matter at what. Of course I also had specific predilections and I indulged in those in my free time, but school didn’t completely **** me up because of my ambition.

The problem is that I still got broken in some major way: When I am supposed to do something that I don’t particularly enjoy, I am dependent on external motivation because that’s what I learned: The teacher told me to do something and I knew I had to (for some vague, but urgent reason) so I pulled my natural competitiveness out of the hat and did it. What I realize only now is that the economy depends on us being dependent. How else would gyms (can’t work out without someone telling you what to do), therapists or life coaches (can’t solve your own problems, haven’t learned how to communicate properly), fashion magazines (can’t develop your own style), the fast food and frozen food industries (can’t cook, don’t have time to research and think about healthy nutrition) as well as the entertainment industry (have forgotten how to entertain yourself) survive? Not to mention professional organizers (yes, they exist, I couldn’t believe it myself)? We are told that only experts know what to do and there are experts for everything. Even though as children we were experts at everything: expert athletes (climbing trees, running, biking, swimming...), expert artists (drawing, singing, telling stories), expert entertainers (inventing games and jokes, writing and directing our own theatre plays, making up funny dances – I apologize for the girlyness of some of these activities, but I’m sure you boys know what I meanJ), expert scientists (examining rocks and bugs, building rockets and taking apart our alarm clocks) and expert cooks (master bakers of sand cake, mud soup chefs and “garden” salad inventors). This list could be continued endlessly.

I firmly believe that we can still be all that and more, we just have to get our independence back. So go get it, tiger!