I’m sitting in the park breathing in the delicious fresh air, listening to the cavalcade of sounds – birds, children, cars (I just imagine them to be gigantic bumble bees), the wind playing with the leaves – and wonder why things can’t always feel as light and easy as now. Wait – they can, isn’t it my choice what state I want to be in? I don’t know if you have ever thought about this, but when you use sentences like “You make me angry” you are – strictly speaking – telling a lie. Unless somebody has a direct line into your brain like in The Manchurian Candidate nobody makes you do or feel anything. You decide how you want to react, which thoughts you want to think, which words to say, what to feel. But we humans like to lay the blame for our misfortunes at the doors of others, be it our neighbours, the Gods or fate.
It doesn’t make it easier that we were taught to distort reality like this from an early age. Our parents and teachers did it and so we assumed that it must be right. It’s like what they say about shit: If millions of flies think it tastes delicious... (Millions? Probably billions. Come to think of it there are very likely more flies on this planet than humans. I should google that.)
Of course it’s painful to admit that every single bad mood, every time you fly into a rage, every listless and unmotivated day that you squander away has been your own doing. BUT it also means that you can change that. You can decide here and now not to be annoyed by your overwhelmingly talkative co-worker any more, not to be seduced by ads to buy things you don’t really need, not to let the weather get you down. It means that your attitude makes all the difference.
I’ve always admired people who stay calm no matter what. How do they do that? Are they never in a hurry when they are behind one of those snail drivers that seem to slow down when they have a green light? Do their computers never freeze? Their babies never cry? No, they experience the same frustrations as I do, but they choose to react differently. Why? Because them getting worked up wouldn’t change anything. It would most likely only make it worse. So they stay cool. Wait it out. Hum their favourite song. And that’s a very smart strategy.
In my last blog post I wrote about motivation and how ineffective a lot of the strategies that we use are. Take tidying up your room or doing your taxes for example: If you are determined to make these mosquito bites into broken legs then that’s what they’ll feel like. (I used to be an expert in this.) Including the cost for the cast and the weight of it slowing you down in everything you do. But wouldn’t it be better if you could just get them over with without having to argue with yourself for half an hour first? (Which is a stalling technique anyway.) Well – change your attitude. Be a bit like Pollyanna and see the positive, maybe you can even detect an adventurous side to what you have to do or a playful one. A good opportunity for you to flex your creativity muscle.
My father used to say that I should always aim for something a bit higher than what I actually want to achieve. So if your goal is to be more patient, train under the hardest circumstances. Think of the most boring or obnoxious person that you know and then spend a whole afternoon with them. Without snapping at them or cutting them off or showing any other sign of annoyance. If you don’t want to be moody all day just because it’s grey and rainy (yes, I am affected by the weather a lot so choose a sunny day if you have bad news for me), go out into the rain and find something fun to do. Put on your rubber boots and splash through every puddle on the way to work. So that the next time you are woken up by the sound of rain pattering on the window pane a big smile starts spreading on your face.
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